A Safe Space for You and Your Vagina
Unwanted body hair… it’s one thing when it’s on your own body. After all, there are numerous ways you can take care of it, from shaving to waxing to laser. All you need to do is pick something up from the drug store or book an appointment, et voila, it’s taken care of! But what about when the hair you wish to remove isn’t on your body at all. What if it’s on your partner’s body? Things get a whole lot trickier when there’s another person involved, especially when the issue you want to address is with their physical body. Asking your partner to remove their body hair is not something to be taken lightly. There is a right way and a wrong way to approach such a sensitive subject. Below, we’ve come up with a few key tips on how to discuss hair removal with your partner.
Consider the Why
Before you even begin to have a discussion with your partner about their body hair, ask yourself why this is something you want. For example, if it’s your partner’s pubic hair that you wish to be groomed or removed, think long and hard about why. This will likely come up during the conversation with your partner, so you need to be prepared. If you want them to groom because you can barely find "them” under all that hair when you're getting intimate, that’s fair, but if you simply want your partner to look more like a pornstar, that may be something you need to think about a bit more before asking. It’s perfectly normal to have preferences when it comes to sex, but pressuring your partner in any way, especially to live up to an unattainable ideal like that seen in porn, is not a great idea.
Remember Past Conversations
Have you and your partner ever talked about body hair before, whether a full-on conversation or in passing? If so, try your best to remember what they said. It’s quite possible your partner feels indifferent to their body hair and would be happy to change it up if they knew you would find it more attractive. However, it’s also possible they may be attached to their body hair and have a strong preference to leave it more natural. Think back to any comments they may have made about their body hair or hair removal experiences they’ve had to try and gauge how attached to it they are.
Ask the Right Way
It’s possible, that once you’ve decided you’re going to approach your partner about unwanted body hair the conversation will come up naturally, but if not, you’ll need to come up with the right way to start the conversation. You could try asking your partner how they feel about their body hair or try to facilitate a broader conversation about sexual preferences, where one of the topics you touch on is body hair. Of course, simply asking out of nowhere, “can you shave this?” or saying, “you should wax that?” likely isn’t going to garner a positive reaction. In fact, addressing the topic in a demanding or demeaning way whatsoever is a definite no, and if you even think about uttering a phrase like “I’ve never been with someone who doesn’t maintain down there,” or “I can’t go down on you until you do something about this,” stop yourself and think of a way to express yourself more graciously. Critiquing your partner on something as intimate as their body hair is a sensitive topic, and the last thing you want is for them to feel insulted. That is why asking about their thoughts and preferences regarding their own body hair and yours first is a good idea, before diving right in and declaring your own preferences. Ultimately, consider how you would want to be asked to remove hair on your body if the roles were reversed. Be respectful, sensitive, and open.
Listen and Compromise
You’ve brought it up in conversation, you’ve very gently made it clear that you might like it if they removed certain hair on their body, now what? First thing’s first, listen! Listen to the words they're saying and pay attention to their body language. Is the whole conversation making them feel ashamed or embarrassed? Angry? Or are they perhaps feeling relieved that they know more about what you like, or curious to explore a new way of styling their body hair? Pick up on both verbal and non-verbal cues to really understand how they’re feeling about the idea. From there, if you sense any uncertainty or hesitation on their part, give them all the time and space they need to think it over. In the days or weeks that follow, don’t keep pestering them about it, let them come to you. This is a very personal matter and they need to make this decision on their own. Once they have made a decision, be open to compromise. Going back to the pubic hair example, your partner might be totally on board and excited about getting a Brazilian or Manzilian for you. Alternatively, if they’ve never done this before, they might offer to start just by trimming their hair or starting with the bikini line only. They might also come back to you and say they’ve thought about it, but they feel sexiest when their pubic hair is left au naturel. It is your job, as their partner to accept any of these outcomes.
Overall, bringing up the idea of hair removal with your partner can be tricky stuff. Again, it’s normal to have preferences when it comes to grooming, and you should feel free to make your preferences known. However, you need to make sure you do so in a mature and respectful way that won’t insult your partner. And most of all, you need to be prepared to respect whatever decision your partner makes, because ultimately how they choose to style their body hair is their decision and their decision only.
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